I recently had a friend tell me she doesn’t know why she is so mean to loved ones in her life. Many times people find themselves feeling angry or impatient with others because there is something within themselves that makes them feel insecure, unloved, or disappointed. It may be time to start looking within yourself for love. You can begin this journey by following these four steps.

Change Your Thoughts

The first step towards self-love is changing your automatic thoughts. These are thoughts that come into your mind unconsciously, just like blinking. The difference here is that you have power change the way you think by reframing negative automatic thoughts into more positive ones. Start by listening to your internal dialogue and challenge those comments that are negative or abusive to yourself. Take notice of the themes and emotional tone of your self-talk. Then intentionally reframe those thoughts so they are more positive, supportive, and encouraging. For example:

Negative Thought (Instead of saying this to yourself…)	Positive Thought (say this to yourself…)
“I’ve never done it before.”	“It’s an opportunity to learn something new.”
“It’s too complicated”	“I’ll tackle it from a different angle”
“I’m not going to get any better at this”	“I’ll give it another try”

Get Outside and Be Active

Exercise Makes You Feel Better. Period. According to a center for CBT Therapy in London, when you exercise, you not only feel better physically, but you feel better mentally. Studies have shown that exercise can even help to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, especially when done outdoors (Vitamin D!! – hello?). Find any outdoor activity that fits your style and see how much self-love comes with it. Exercise also releases endorphins, which contributes to your level of happiness and will ultimately help you feel better about yourself.

Find Gratitude in Everyday

I challenge you to write out the following sentence for 10 items you’re grateful for everyday. “I am truly blessed to have [ blank ], because [ blank ].” You will immediately start loving yourself more when you realize all the things you’re grateful for in your life!

Be Your Best Self – Embrace Your Imperfections

Do you lack self-compassion? If you do, then it is time to practice some self- acceptance. And I mean REALLY practice it. Sometimes finding the ‘you’ you love means appreciating your own imperfections just as much as you appreciate your strengths. The more we accept things that we cannot change in the moment, the lighter we will feel and the easier it will be to move forward. No matter what happens in life, there is always a chance to look forward and find the ‘you’ you love. This can sometimes feel like an impossible task due to past traumas, life adversities, and/or losses. But maybe these challenges are not road blocks so much as steps on a journey towards unconditional self-love.